“And now, to write this lady a very nice letter asking where the HELL my money is.” –Matt

“I hate geography. It’s like math. ON LAND.” –Mitch

“I’m the best Reverse Charades prop!” –Noah

“I’m going to see how far I can scoot the seat up…” –Skyler
“You’re still talking. It’s not up far enough.” –Ms. Bennett

“What kind of jobs could you even get in Alaska?” –Jordan
“Clubbing seals?” –Mitch
“Clubbing BABY seals.” –Daniel

“Back when I had the rhino virus…or…um…elephant virus…whatever it is. It’s the cold, you get it.” –Whitton

“Despite what they say on the news, if you have the flu, come to class anyway. We’ll all have the flu together. If it’s the stomach thing, I’ll bring a bucket.” –Whitton

“Children are needy like that. They like food, and clothing…” –Whitton

“Back when I started teaching, way back in the Dark Ages…” –Whitton

“If I have an awesome day, YOU KNOW IT!” –Whitton

“‘How are these whos?’ Wow, that’s proper English.” –Whitton

“Oh, I thought you were on Twitter.” –Whitton
“Oh, no. GOD NO.” –Taylor

“We’re here to work. Surprise!” –Whitton

“Don’t you just hate menstrual cramps?” –Whitton
“Those are the worst.” –Male Student

“We had all the same interests…Pokemon, drawing…me…” –Chris

“Brandon says he’s here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on.” –Mitch
“I’ll be right over with my Kleenex. And my bra.” –Chris
“I’ll get the ice cream and Sleepless in Seattle…” –Brandon

“Man, that sucks.” –Brandon
“She cray cray.” –Mitch
“He craycray.” –Brandon
“…DEY CRAY CRAY.” –Unanimous

“If I had known he was with someone like that, I’d have been like, DUDE. RUN.” –Mitch

“Okay, okay, fine. They can have their own little section of the internet. But I reserve the right to shudder at the idea of interacting with any of them on a regular basis.” –Mitch

“Allie doesn’t know what to do with this other dog. She’s like, WHAT IS THIS THING.” –Mitch

“The Clippers have been, like, the redheaded stepchild of basketball in California.” –Whitton

“I mean, who is going to be like, ‘Oh, I love being in constant conflict!’”
>Mitch raises his hand.<
“Well, BESIDES YOU, Mitch. You’re an anomaly.” –Whitton

“That’s not to say he never helps with the shopping or cooking. He’s not like, ‘YOU WOMAN. GET ME SANDWICH.’” –Whitton

“Jenga was the most stressful part of my day.” –Janet

“I’m like, ‘You’re the favorite ‘cause you’re the youngest. He’s like, ‘I’m the favorite ‘cause I’m the most awesome.’” –Whitton

“How would Thanksgiving be if we didn’t all judge each other?” –Whitton
“Boring.” –Mitch

“Anyone from this side of the room? No? Okay, anyone at all? I’ll pick on someone if I have to. John.” –Sunday School teacher
“John, go sit on the other side of the room. They need someone who answers.” –Bro. Taylor (#2)

“Answers, anyone?” –SST
“From which side of the room?” –John A.

“I became a member just over a year ago, and I’ve slipped up from time to time…” –Priesthood teacher
“Tch tch tch!” –random Elder

“What’s number 14?” –Student
“I have no idea. No, I’m just kidding. It’s B.” –Whitton

“We should be the Baconators.” –Mara
“I’m a vegetarian.” –Rochelle
“…Baconators+1.” –Mara

“Now I have an alarm clock. His name is Dominic.” –Whitton

“It’s okay, we can go three ways.” –Gwen, referring to splitting a paper
>Mitch snorts.<
“Did…did you just…” –Gwen
“I am a terrible person.” –Mitch

“AND A CERTAIN SOMEONE THREATENED TO CUT OFF MY JUNK. Basically.” –Mitch
“Mitch, rest assured—the only one going near your junk is ME.” –Chris

“I would never eat horse again, but whale is delicious.” –Mara

“What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?” –Whitton
“Vegan dog food.” –Dua
“I’m not even going to ask. Let’s just move on.” –Whitton

“And people can get defensive if you use evaluation—even if you’re right.” –Whitton
“Especially if you’re right.” –Mitch

“Mara—what did Mara say she ate? Whale and something else?” –Whitton
“Hold on, I have it written down.” –Mitch
“…What?” –Whitton
“Why?” –Student
“…it was horse.” –Mitch

“Oh man, you’re right. It’s terrible that the sky is blue. I wish it was purple too!” –Whitton

“Let us offer a prayer to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and to his son, Grilled Cheesus.” –John T.
“Don’t forget the Holy Spirits.” –Mitch

“We should put together a list of those. Like, I can’t legs.” –John T.
“I can’t art.” –Mitch
“I can’t math.” –John T.
<This went on for like an hour.>